Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you will always have a special place in my vag
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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