Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
