haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
