Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
