hell yes lets make some ravioli
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
