Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
