i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
