hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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