I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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