just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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