Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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