They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
