puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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