well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
