I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
