You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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