My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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