Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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