Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Pants are for mortals
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
