we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
