I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
