Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
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