I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
