just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He did a backflip because drugs
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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