i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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