You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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