R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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