thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
