All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize