Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
