Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
