my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just tell him i said nine months
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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