I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
