I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
