it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize