Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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