Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
