they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
