I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
