I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
