About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
