Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
