I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
whose parrot is this?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
