Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
