I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
then he tried to convert me to islam
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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