I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize