at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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