fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
