I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
