you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
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I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
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He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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