How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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