Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
