Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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