I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
