What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
