hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
