I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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