i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize