he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
