But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
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they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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