and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
