oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
